Some days I wonder why they all still call me Mom.  Why haven’t they all run away yet?  Some days I think I have lost my mind, and those are the good days.  The bad days I know I have lost my mind.   I have six kids, a husband in a band, a family that calling dysfunctional is an understatement.  My life is really crazy, but yet people tell me I am a good mom.  Are you kidding me?? 

I never know if I am doing this right.  Let’s be honest, how do you know if you are doing a good job?  The only way you know you are doing a bad job is if CPS takes your kids away, and for some reason, even though I have offered to take them to their office they haven’t taken mine yet.  However,  if they knock on the door, I truly don’t think I will be too surprised.

The big question is how do you really know  that you are doing a good job?  We all parent differently.  I have never been a sentimental kind of mom, so does that mean I am a bad one? I don’t save our kid's crafts, not really into story time, I am the anti-pinterest mom.  Except, I love Pinterest for recipes.  If I didn’t cook for them I would be a complete loser mom for sure.

What actually has to be done to be a good mom?  I tell them every day that I love them.  I cook for them and make sure they have clean clothes on.  I home school 5 of our 6 kids.  I am here most days and nights with them.  I tease them and brush their hair.  I even style our young daughter’s hair, and that’s because she is black and I am not and that makes for hard hair days.  I do love them, each of them.  Sometimes it feels like I have 6 million kids.  It is especially hard when I want to shower and I get interrupted by each kid, twice.   I love them, and I think they actually know it.  But is that good enough?  Will they one day realize being raised by a pack of wolves might have been a better option?

Does every mom out there feel the same way?  Do we all question our parenting? Does that make us a better parent or a worse one?  Is it like not thinking your insane means you insane?  So if I think I am a good mom then really I am a bad one?  Yeah, I just don’t know most days.

I know that I will not give up.  I know that I will continue to try and be a good mom, whatever that even means.  Hopefully it means kisses, hugs, good food, teaching them every chance I can and showing them what life is all about.  Hopefully the fact that I didn’t save their craft from Church will not make me the world’s worst mom.  If I am maybe they will learn to be better than me, and then that would mean my grandchildren would be extra blessed.  I guess as long as we are trying and not giving up its OK.
 
So tonight I will go to bed not knowing if I did everything right, but at least knowing that if I did it wrong they will learn from it.  Yeah, I think that is the plan for now.  Maybe one day I will know if I am a good mom.  I have a feeling that day will come when my name is more like grandma than mom.  The true test of parenting would be how they turn out, and since I have a long way till our home is empty I guess I have a long way to see the results.  At least if they ever do end up on a shrink’s couch telling their life story they will have some good things to talk about.

Jess C.