Ernio Hernandez
Arcade Claw Machines are Rigged — Please Fake Like You’re Shocked
An arcade owner and operator in central California admitted, in an IAMA session on Reddit, that those addictive claw machines — wherein you endlessly attempt to grab a plush toy, fake sports jersey or other random goodie with a three-pronged claw that you maneuver via a control on the outside of the glass — are fixed! Our world is crumbling!
Student Suspended for Making Worst Cupcake Ever
You can argue whether frosting or buttercream or ganache makes the best addition to a cupcake. We’re pretty sure no one would debate for what a teenager in St. Paul, Minnesota allegedly filled a cupcake with for his classmate — semen.
Obiwan Kenobi Involved in Hit-and-Run Accident
If you’re sensing a disturbance in the force, you may be picking up on Roseville, California. That’s where Obiwan Kenobi was arrested for fleeing (possibly to Tatooine) the scene of a five-car pileup.