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Mommy Blogger April B – My Alternate TV Reality

Every mom needs a little break from reality each day, right? Mine usually comes in the form of a trashtastic hour of reality TV and may or may not be accompanied by mindless snacking. It’s how I unwind.

This week, however, my departure from reality was also a departure from reality TV so I could give several of the new shows premiering a chance to win a spot in my very limited TV viewing.

Monday night, I was excited to check out The Blacklist on NBC. After watching The Voice, via DVR, with the kiddos and then promptly tucking said kiddos into bed, I walked back into the room and caught a glimps of The Blacklist.

And that’s when things fell apart.

I gasped and lunged for my cell phone. “OMG. WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO JAMES SPADER’S HEAD?” I texted to one of my closest friends.

And then I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at my phone, waiting for her reply.

“I’m offended you even asked that. He will always be Spaderhot to me,” she says.

“Uh, no,” I type back. “That’s what’s so sad. He was Spaderhot and now he’s bald. And weird-looking. And bald!”

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

“Is the show good? I’m DVRing” she tells me.

Clearly she was having trouble focusing on the travesty that is James Spader’s almost bald head.

We’ve always had this thing for James Spader. It’s a curse from the 80′s we can’t seem to shake. To us, he will always be Stef from Pretty in Pink.

Stef with the feathered blonde shag.

And that’s how “Spaderhot” was born. We have, for years, jokingly used it as an adjective for a good looking guy.

That term has served us well all these years. And then Spader had to go and get crazy with a trimmer and ruin it all.

I can’t even look at him the same way. Some men–and women!–look incredible bald. But a blonde shag is to James Spader as a bald is to The Rock or as bangs are to Zoey Deschanel. Have you seen the photos making the rounds on the internet of everybody’s favorite New Girl sans bangs? She looks like a different person.

It just ain’t right.

Sigh.

So, my escape from reality turned out to be an alternate reality I also needed to escape from. How ’bout that irony?

I turned off the TV and went to bed early, completely disturbed and hoping to dream of a better, more perfect world where James Spader’s hair is feathered and “A-ha” is playing in the background.

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