Today is a milestone for me.  My son turns 10.  Ten years old, I am having trouble wrapping my head around that idea.

cupcakes spelling out happy birthday
Joanne Ingate

I remember the exact day I found out I was going to have a baby.  I've always wanted kids and I remember leaving work early because I didn't feel good.  Things just didn't seem right.  Then it clicked that it wasn't a normal migraine that I was experiencing, and it wasn't the flu or anything like that I just felt horrible and off.

I found out what was making me sick, I was creating a human.

So 10 years ago, my guy came into the world as perfect as he can be, and yes, you wait with baited breath for that first cry.  You wait impatiently for the nurse to put that baby in your arms.  Then you count the tiny little fingers and the tiny little toes.  Then you look deep into the eyes of that new little human and say, " Hi, I'm your mommy, happy birthday."  In that moment, nothing is ever the same, the world becomes about that baby, it became about him.

My favorite moments in that first year was when he was sleeping on my chest in the recliner, I miss those sweet moments so much.

Over the last ten years, this wonderful boy and I have been through a lot.  We have been through devastation, loss, anger, happiness and even a diagnosis that we weren't expecting, but you know what, that's something I wouldn't change nor would I change for him.

The things we go through in life are what makes us who we are and I hope over the last 10 years, he sees that I have done my best as a mom, and most of the time I feel like I have let him down and have failed miserably.

As he gets older, I see he is trying to find his place in the world. He's made mistakes, he's questioned life, he even has had his doubts. He's even had to ask for forgiveness, something even adults have trouble doing.  It dawned on me last night as I was going to bed, that even though he will have many more struggles in his life, he will we OK and go on to do amazing things.  I also realized that I have about 8 more years before he goes off into the world.  That makes me a little sad.

So for those few remaining years I have left with him around every day, I will encourage him to do his best, I will teach him how to love, forgive, respect, care, to think for himself, to not worry about what others think about him, and to find himself.  I may fail miserably on this journey, but I will do the best I can.

I was chosen to be his momma.

Geez, I have a 10 year old

Photo Courtesy of Lori Crofford
Photo Courtesy of Lori Crofford

Happy Birthday kiddo!


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