Forget Christmas! Festivus Is The Holiday We Really Need!
Christmas has become a hassle. Let's all take a moment to agree that this holiday has spun wildly out of control. What are we even celebrating anymore?
Last weekend, I was helping my parents decorate the outside of their home for Christmas while listening to holiday music, and a thought struck me while I was freezing on top of the roof.
Why are we even doing this?
There's the stress of buying gifts. There is the stress of decorating. There is the constant holiday music that can't decide what it is that we're supposed to be celebrating. I went looking for an alternative, and I've found it.
Festivus is more than a joke in an episode of Seinfeld. It actually has a rather hilarious history. It was originally intended to celebrate the anniversary of the first date between Daniel O'Keefe and his wife. Festivus began sometime circa 1966.
Decorating is simple. I've already started with a Festivus Pole made out of paper clips to keep at my desk. The pole should not be decorated in any way.
Along with the bare Festivus Pole, there is the Festivus Clock; a clock placed in a bag and then nailed to the wall. Why? According to the holiday's originator, that's not for you to know. Hanging the Festivus Clock should be done in secret, per tradition.
There is the Festivus Meal, and then the Feats of Strength where you must wrestle the head of the house. If the head of the house doesn't get pinned, then Festivus continues until such time as they do.
I really hope I don't get fired for trying to wrestle my boss after lunch. That would be religious discrimination right?
Also, be on the lookout for Festivus Miracles. They aren't particularly amazing, so they may be easy to miss.
I'm also making a list for the Airing Of Grievances, ways people have disappointed you all year.
For me this is the year, it's "Festivus for the rest of us!"