I refer to tomatoes in their natural state, as the "Fruit of Satan." I certainly don't want them on my food, but there are people in Amarillo's Deep State, who insist, I have them.

The phrase "No tomatoes" leaves my lips more often than my own name does. At this point in my life, I'm very clear about it. I make eye contact with my server and say it slowly, so there is no misunderstanding. But 50% of the time, a tomato will show up in my order. What is the blue hell is going on here?

Lemons, limes, or rutabagas never show up. Have you ever been served a nice t-bone steak...ACCIDENTALLY? .Always the tomato. I have researched this issue carefully and have discovered the "Tomato Lobby" is alive and well in Amarillo.

I can't tell you how many times, I've specifically asked for "no tomatoes" and then find one buried under a hamburger patty or an enchilada. The Tomato Lobby assumes, I won't notice it, hidden away. Oh, but I do!

I've started checking out my surroundings. Yes, Tomato Lobby, I have noticed the white van that speeds out of the parking lot, when I discover the tomato I didn't ask for.  Or the sly wink and nod, between my dining companions and the cooks in the kitchen.

I can sniff out a tomato at 10 ft. My "friends" say "Why don't you just take it off?" Why? Because in the time, the Tomato Lobby had it slipped into my order, it's had time to get my lettuce soggy and influence the rest of my meal.

The offending tomato in the picture, is an actual tomato from an actual Amarillo restaurant, which I actually asked, not to be there. It's ..pulpy...and fleshy. Seeds everywhere.

Tomatoes are just fine, when something has been done to them. Like in salsa, or pizza sauce. But in their natural state, they taste like something in the lab, went horribly wrong.

How did this happen? I don't know,  I do know, there are people in this town, who INSIST you have some tomato inserted in your food, whether you asked for it on not. Someone is on the Tomato Lobby payroll. There is no other possible explanation.

As my final offering of proof, I give you a sure fire way to find out, if someone is a part of the Tomato Lobby. Ask them about it. If they get a puzzled look on their face, or ask you to repeat what you just said...BAM! That's your tomato underground at work.